The Great Bacon Casualty
by Merlinandsimsgirl
Summary: A bacon sandwich causes more drama; grief and trouble in the ED than anyone could possibly expect! All characters including my O/C (Own Characters). A casual y comedy.
1. Chapter 1- The Breakfast Cafe

Chapter 1: The Breakfast cafe that the paramedics adore.

Jessica switched the sign stuck to the door from closed to open. An early start again. Five thirty in the morning. She sighed as she began to wipe down a few tables. When she was finished doing the cleaning chores, she stood behind the counter and pressed a button on he till. The till cash draw sprung open. Fifteen pound and forty two pence was all that sat there. She rarely got any customers anymore. Yes she got the regulars, such as the nice paramedics from the Holby ED. They were always dropping in when they were on the early shift for a bite of breakfast. Other than that, she was lucky if she got a single customer. If business did not pick up soon, she would have to close the shop because the rent was getting too much.

Suddenly, as if her thoughts had been heard, the bell rang as someone came in the door. Jessica stopped slumping in the chair and sat upright almost as if she was a Meerkat.

"Sorry Jess, did we startle you?" Came the familiar voice of Dixie.

"No not at all, I'm just happy to get a customer." Jess replied sadly.

"Wait up princess!" Jeff ran in the shop, panting.

"Deary me Jeffrey! Looks like you're getting a bit out of shape mate!" Dixie teased her partner.

"Nah, I just need some fuel that's all!" Jeff grinned.

"What will it be then?" Jessica asked.

"Erm… you know what I think I'll have a cheese toastie for a change." Dixie smiled.

"Fed up of bacon?" Jeff grinned.

"A little bit yeah, it's nice to have a change. What are you going to have Jeff? I'll treat ya!" Dixie replied.

"Oh, um… I'll have the fried egg and bacon dish please. Thanks Dix!" Jeff winked at Dixie who just laughed. Jessica rushed around and got them their food before tapping some numbers in the till.

"That'll be five pounds then please guys." Jess smiled. Dixie handed over the money and then the pair of paramedics took their breakfast.

"Holby control to 3006 do you copy?" The voice blasted out of the radio. Dixie rolled her eyes.

"We've just got breakfast!" Jeff moaned quietly and pretended to sulk. He hurriedly started eating some food.

"3006 received, what have we got?" Dixie replied, ignoring Jeff.

"Young male fallen from a horse after riding it into a tree, possible fractures and a few small lacerations." The voice told Dixie. Jeff frowned, not quite believing what he'd just heard.

"Alright, we're on our way!" Dixie replied and clipped the radio back to her jacket. She sighed.

"Duty calls I'm afraid!" She smiled at Jess.

"Rode a horse into a tree?" Jeff asked trying to imagine how exactly someone could ride a horse into a tree.

"Yes Jeff, a man has ridden his horse into a tree and he needs our help." Dixie replied slowly and showed slight annoyance at her partner as she began walking toward the exit. Jeff followed.

"He could've ridden it into the tree after we had our breakfast." He mumbled.

"Come on Jeff!" Dixie shouted as she literally hauled a sulky Jeff out of the building.

Silence was within the small breakfast café once more. Jessica drummed her fingers on the counter as she watched the minute hand go around the clock. She played with an old egg timer. Then she got her phone out of her pocket but soon got bored of playing 'ping pong' so she locked it and put it away.

Just as she was wondering if she should just close the shop, the door squeaked and the bell rang. She smiled. Finally! A customer! Jess brushed the creases out of her apron and stood up. The customer had ash blonde hair and crystal blue eyes, although her other features were covered by a baseball cap and a dark bandana around the lower part of her face. She wore a leather jacket and some skinny jeans that made Jess wonder how on Earth this girl even got into them in the first place because they looked so tight. The girl walked up to the counter and lifted her bandana slightly.

"One bacon sandwich please."

Jess instantly got to work preparing a delicious bacon sandwich. She placed it on the counter between them. Crystal licked her lips. It was the most sumptuous; juicy bacon sandwich she had ever laid eyes on. Her eyes grew wide like a puppy's and her mouth watered as the gorgeous scent of bacon met her nostrils. She reached into her pockets… NO! It couldn't possibly be! But it was. Crystal had no money. Not even one penny; nothing.

"Actually, can I have ketchup with that?" Crystal asked, shrugging her shoulders to avoid letting Jessica see she had no money.

"Of course!" Jess smiled sweetly and turned around. She went to grab the ketchup bottle, but it slipped out of her hands and smacked the floor. Jess bent down to pick it up.

Crystal stared at the sandwich. She knew she shouldn't. The idea in itself was criminal. Her hand slowly reached towards the steaming hot breakfast. It was calling to her, telling her no matter what, she had to sink her teeth into the soft, homemade bread and taste the mouth-watering strips of sizzling bacon. She couldn't resist. She couldn't ask Jess to wait while she ran and got her purse. Crystal was hungry, and she needed that bacon sandwich right then. Her hand clasped the piece of breakfast and she ran like a cheetah toward the door. As she burst through, the bell- oh that dreaded little bell- rang out louder than you could possibly imagine causing Jess to jump up from behind the counter. She gasped. Her eyes stared at the counter and seeing that the only remains of the bacon sandwich was a tiny puddle of grease from the fryer, she wanted to break down into some kind of strop that would have suited a two year old rather than a thirty two year old. But she didn't. Instead, of all things, she yanked her car keys from the rack and ran out the door herself.


	2. Chapter 2- Chase for the Bacon

Chapter 2: Chase for the Bacon

All anyone who was actually awake at that time could hear were racing footsteps and the hollering voice of Jess as she yelled out "Stop you thief!"

Crystal continued to run. She was scared. She'd never stolen anything before, and had always been good enough to be honest and explain if she hadn't got enough money or no money at all. What possessed her to even take the dreaded sandwich she had no idea- but it had happened. All she wanted to do was to get away from the owner; eat the stolen goods and carry on her life as normal. However, the first ideal situation was harder than she originally thought. Jess was a strong believer in exercise and regularly visited the local gym, so her stamina seemed to go on for infinity. Whether she was a decade older than Crystal or not, she was fast. Actually, that was an understatement. She was as speedy as a bolt of lightning, or so it seemed. Crystal could feel her breath fading. Her legs tirelessly continued. Drops of sweat ran from her anxious brow. Then she saw it. Her car. If she could just keep going, she had a chance of getting away for good, and never seeing the owner of the breakfast café again!

Some residents had heard the commotion and walked outside or opened their windows to get a better look at what was going on. Mr Brown, an elderly pensioner frowned as Jess shot by and screamed:

"Somebody stop her! She stole my bacon!"

The elderly man stood and watched as the two women ran into the distance before shaking his head and muttering something about young people were out of their minds these days. A group of teenagers who had heard the random outburst could do nothing but laugh their heads off especially as one of the youngest filmed it on his phone. The group replayed it again and again and again, laughing each time Jess hollered her line.

Finally, Crystal reached her car. She had unlocked it as she had approached it, and so had no trouble in getting into it. She shoved the keys into the engine; hurriedly strapped the seatbelt over herself and stamped her foot on the accelerator. She turned the car round and headed in the opposite direction. Jess saw and jumped in the middle of the road in an attempt to stop the bacon thief, but realising Crystal had no intention of stopping, leapt back on the pavement just in time. All the residents who had been watching were very confused, and all eyes now fell on Jess. They all began whispering and chatting as they turned around, assuming the interesting event of the morning was over… but it wasn't. Jessica's car was parked just round the corner, so she dashed to it, unlocked it and followed Crystal.

Thinking she had got away, Crystal relaxed and slowed down. What a thrill that had been. Her adrenaline levels were sky high during the chase, making her feel hyper and alert. Ensuring that there wasn't much traffic on the road, she took one hand off the steering wheel to pick up the bacon sandwich. She took one final look at it before she moved it toward her mouth which was already open. Just as she was about to take a bite, her eyes caught sight of something she really didn't want to see in the rear view mirror. Another car. Speeding. Right up toward her. Right up behind her. The driver, angrily shouting something which actually couldn't be heard -which for the sake of this story remaining clean it is probably just so well half the words couldn't be heard- although Crystal managed to lip read: "Give me back the bacon!"

Crystal sighed. Was this bacon sandwich really worth so much? She wondered this for several moments as she increased in speed, pressing down on the accelerating pedal harder and harder every second. She rolled her eyes and placed the bacon sandwich in a small box sat next to her on the front passenger seat before focusing back on the road.

Jess couldn't believe how this day was going. She honked her horn loudly causing a few passers by to stare as the chase intensified. They had made it onto the ring road now- a big motorway which circled the whole of Holby. Crystal was dodging traffic like a ninja with Jess still hot on her tail. She dared another glance in the rear-view mirror at Jess's angered expression. But this cost her lot. Due to this, she did not see the car in front of her have to slam its breaks suddenly because another driver had nipped in front of him suddenly. She therefore didn't have time to apply the breaks herself. All she could possibly do was scream as everything around her seemed to travel in slow motion. The bonnet crumpled like a piece of paper. The windscreen exploded at the impact. The air bag activated and Crystal's head hit it hard. Her vision blurred as she felt herself drifting off. Her last sights were the bacon sandwich. The dreaded bacon sandwich that started all this. The bacon sandwich that would now leave her injured like a solider in the army after a violent battle. After that, everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3- You stole MY BACON!

Chapter 3: You stole my Bacon!

The first thing that Jessica's fuzzy vision managed to tell her brain as her eyelids sprung open was that she was in a very bright place. The sudden vivid lights made Jess realise what an awful headache she had- no doubt from the airbag not working like it was supposed to. Knowing that she was feeling pain was a relief because the bright lights caused her to ponder whether or not she was actually alive.

"Ok, Jess? Jess can you hear me sweetheart?" A slightly familiar voice asked. Jess's vision was still blurry, although her mind recognised the voice as the friendly paramedic that came in the breakfast café regularly. She couldn't manage much more than an unclear mumble that sounded more like a groan of pain.

"Alright Dixie what have we got?" Asked another voice.

"This is Jess, 32 year old involved in the major RTC on the ring road. Her BP is 100 over 80; SATS are 96 and she had 500 of saline; ten of morphine at the scene and another 5 in the ambulance; she has a fairly deep laceration on her upper left leg and query of a dislocated right arm".

"Ok, Jess, I'm Doctor Hanna the lead consultant here, you're in the Holby City ED and we're going to make you better okay?" Zoe smiled reassuringly as the trolley with Jess on was moved into resus.

Later on, after Jess's wound had been cleaned and bandaged, she was moved to cubicles.

"I'm just going to chase up the results to your x-ray about that arm, though from previous experience I'm certain it is just dislocated and no fractured in anyway, ok?" Zoe explained.

"Thanks". Jess mumbled.

The ten minutes that she was left alone felt like hours as she awaited for someone to appear. When a cheeky nurse popped his head around the curtain, Jess jumped at the sudden movement and smiled when she realised how silly it was.

"Alright sweetheart, how are you feeling?" He asked as he put a small silver tray down on the bedside table next to the bed.

"Well, the headaches gone, but my leg still feels sore and my arm is driving me crazy!" Jess replied as she eyed the male nurse.

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Adrian. Though everyone calls me Fletch!" Fletch grinned. Jess continued eyeing him and she felt a blush creep across her cheeks.

"Are you feeling alright? You've gone a bit red?" Fletch asked her concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine… it's just…"

"What?"

"…You're pretty hot!"

Fletch choked on his breath in shock, and he had to grab the glass of water sitting on the table originally intended for the patient-not the staff. When his choking fit was over, he looked back at Jess with a deadpan face before telling her:

"I'm married!" But then all he could think about was why he couldn't have told Tess that before their affair got out of control.

"Aww! Really? It's not fair! All the good guys are either already taken or not straight!" Jess replied with a twinkle in her eye.

"Well, I am straight… just so you know…" Fletch interjected, wanting to clarify he was in fact straight. Jess burst out laughing before leaning forward and telling Fletch:

"Don't worry, I already know that!"

Fletch smiled then and then remembered why he had come into the cubicle in the first place.

"Anyway, your x-ray came back clear and as Doctor Hanna said, your arm is just dislocated, and so I've just got to give you this to stop any major pain while I put the bone back in the socket for ya!" Fletch explained as he took a large and very sharp looking needle from the metal tray he had carried in earlier. Jess's eyes widened frightfully- if there was one thing in the whole world she had a fear of it was needles. She backed up slightly and began to shrink into the large pillows behind her which were helping to prop her up slightly. Just as Fletch took a step forward, his foot caught in one of the wires and before he could stop himself, he tripped and fell backwards.

"Oh my god! Are you alright?" Jess asked, moving forward and stretching to see if Fletch was ok. He was lying almost flat on the floor, with his elbows holding his upper body up. Despite his little accident, he looked rather calm and almost relaxed.

"Yeah, I feel fine!" He replied quietly and slowly. Jess tilted her head and frowned. Fletch seemed out of it all of a sudden. Before she could do anything, Fletch's elbows gave way and he lay completely still on the ground. His eyes closed and occasionally flickered revealing the white of his eyes.

"Oh my God! Doctor! Nurse! Anyone! HELP!" Jess screamed helplessly, unsure of what was going on. No one seemed to make an appearance. So, careful that no wires leading to the heart monitor or the drip did not detach, Jess climbed out of the bed and walked over to Fletch. She bent down and placed her able hand over his forehead. It felt normal. To her disbelief, he began to snore. At first just quietly. Then gradually, each snore began to build up in volume until Jess cringed at the volume. Suddenly, her eyes picked up a glint of something lying underneath the nurse. Gently, she picked it up and everything was explained. It was the needle that she was supposed to be injected with for pain relief when her arm was put back. Clearly, too much had been put in the needle. Even Jess, who only knew basic first aid, knew that when a dislocated arm had to be put back in its socket, the patient had to be conscious- even just a little bit. Rolling her eyes, Jess tried to drag the nurse with her able arm although despite her extreme efforts, she had no success.

The curtain moved slightly, although as Jess was occupied in the very interesting task of trying to drag a member of the ED staff across the floor, she did not notice. The person who caused the curtain to move leant on the wall next to the cubicle with her arms folded and watched this comedic sequence with a bemused expression on her face. Her eyebrows raised and she tried incredibly hard to stifle a laugh. She looked a sight. She was in a hospital gown with a massive and extremely long bandage wrapped around her head. She was pale after losing a fair amount of blood from her accident and her nose was broken.

"Need a hand?" She finally asked. Jess nearly jumped to the ceiling like a cat in fright at the sudden voice.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you!" The woman replied and helped Jess to stand.

"I'm Jess! Who are you?" Jess smiled as she stood.

"I don't know." The woman replied with a shrug of her shoulders as though she'd been asked a difficult maths question. Jess frowned. As she looked into the woman's shining blue eyes, she could have sworn she had seen her somewhere before- but she juts couldn't place her.

"Oh well, nice to meet you!" Jess shook hands with the woman.

"Oh! You poor thing! Your arm is dislocated! Here allow me!" The woman told Jess. Jess eyed the woman suspiciously and reluctantly allowed her to take her arm.

"Ok, on the count of three I will put it back, ok?" The woman told her. Jess nodded with a worried expression.

"Right, one… two…" As the word 'two' escaped the woman's lips she pushed hard and put Jess's arm back. A satisfying 'crunch' noise followed by a slightly agonising scream showed there had been success.

"You said on three!" Jess whined as she reacted from the pain even though it was already wearing off. She moved her arm around, it felt good to be able to move it again.

"It's so much better when you are not expecting it!" The woman smiled and then her eyes dropped to Fletch who was still out cold on the tiled ED floor.

"What in the world happened to him?" She asked, horrified as though she had just witnessed a murder scene.

"Oh he's fine really. He slipped over and got a needle full of a powerful sedative in his backside." Replied Jess. As if on cue, Fletch released an unbelievably loud snore that could have caused an Earth tremor! The two ladies giggled uncontrollably for a few minutes, eventually calming down.

"Come on, I'll help you get him on the bed!" The woman grinned before grabbing Fletch's feet. Jess carefully grabbed Fletch's hands and the two picked him up. Neither of the women were exactly 6 foot, so picking up Fletch was a rather hard task for the two of them as they attempted to haul him on the bed.

"So, where are you from?" Jess managed to ask, trying to conserve the rest of her energy to lift Fletch on the bed.

"I don't know!" The woman replied. Finally, Fletch was on the bed. Jess made sure he wouldn't slip off and began rearranging the linen slightly so it was more comfortable.

"Ok, then how did you end up here?" Jess frowned.

"I don't know."

"You don't know a lot do you?" Jess replied.

"Well, the doctors reckon I've had a concussion and lost about a year of memory because I can't remember my name, and then phone number and address I gave them are obsolete. Apparently, I was involved in a major RTC on the Holby Ring Road!" The Woman explained.

"Well isn't that funny!" Jess gasped.

"… no not really…" The woman frowned looking hurt. Jess clasped her hand over her mouth.

"Sorry! I didn't mean funny as in, let's laugh about it! I meant it's strange because I was involved in an accident on the ring road too!" Jess explained calmly. The woman laughed when she realised she had interpreted what Jess had said wrong.

All of a sudden, the curtain to the cubicle was pulled back revealing Zoe.

"Thee you are! What did I say about remaining in your own cubicle? I've had nearly all my staff searching the entire ED for you!" Zoe scolded the woman who apologised.

"What the hell happened?" Was the next thing an exasperated Zoe asked in a higher pitch than a chipmunk when she saw Fletch lying almost dead on the bed. (Zoe did think for a split second Fletch might be dead, but he let out another snore which relived her). Jess opened her mouth to speak but was cut off.

"Never mind, I'll ask that later!" Zoe sighed before turning back to the woman, "Anyway, I came to find you because we found some ID in your back pocket! Your name is crystal!" Zoe announced happily.

"Wow, I have a nice name don't I?" Crystal smiled.

"Oh and, the paramedics found this in a paper bag on the passenger seat. It survived the accident and it isn't dirty so you might as well have it!" Zoe handed Crystal a brown paper bag that smelt like the kitchen of a 5 star restaurant. Crystal's hand dove into the bag and pulled out… the dreaded bacon sandwich! Jess knew her handiwork anywhere. She grabbed the sandwich from Crystal and smelt it before looking at it and then narrowing her eyes.

"You!" She hissed, annoyed she hadn't realised before. Zoe stood by, not sure what she was expecting to happen. Crystal looked around her as Jess pointed. Seeing that there was no one else behind her she looked back to Jess dumbfounded before replying:

"Me?"

"Yes you!"

"What did I do?" Crystal shrugged, feeling confused.

"You stole my bacon!" Jess screeched. Crystal calmly took the sandwich back and took a bite before saying:

"I think you must be mistaken. I don't recall stealing anything, especially not from you! We only met today!"

"Oh! Of course! You won't remember will you? You've had a concussion! Well that's just great!" Jess sighed and put her head in her hands.

"Could this day get any worse?" She cried out desperately.

The loud outburst caused Fletch to stir. He groaned as his eyelids slowly lifted and his vision slowly came into focus. He put a hand to his head as he still felt dazed and he managed to sit up and take in his surroundings. He frowned as he saw Jess, Crystal and Zoe all staring at him expectantly.

"Right, why am I in a hospital bed?" Was the first thing he asked. Then he sniffed the air as though he was a dog before adding, "And why in the world can I smell bacon?"

Crystal ripped a piece off of the bacon sandwich and handed it to Fletch while Jess just groaned loudly.


	4. Chapter 4- A major RTC caused by WHAT?

Chapter 4: A Major RTC caused by WHAT?

After half an hour of explaining to Fletch all the details he had missed out on- including an argument about whether or not he snored when he slept- Jess requested that everyone left her cubicle. An upset Crystal walked out and turned to the right, but went past in the opposite direction seconds later after Zoe had shouted after her that her cubicle was the other way. Fletch, who was bewildered by the story he had been told stood up from the bed and stretched. As he went to walk away he stumbled and both Jess and Zoe ran to him in fear he would fall and become unconscious again. Fletch however stressed that it was just the sedative wearing off that was still circling his system. Zoe caught Tess and asked her if she would keep an eye on Fletch and call her if he had any strange symptoms to which the clinical nurse manager obliged to. Zoe then turned back to Jess who sighed as she sat back on the bed.

"Do you want to speak to the police?" Zoe asked. It was her job to ask that question no matter what she thought. If Zoe was being honest, she felt that the fact Jess had chased Crystal and caused an RTC over something as small as a bacon sandwich was absolutely ridiculous- but that wasn't her place to say so.

"Of course! That woman is a thief! My business is already in a bad way!" Jess snapped.

"Ok, I'll arrange that for you." Zoe nodded. As she exited the cubicle, she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and walked over to where some of the staff were standing.

"Everything alright Zoe?" Sam asked as she saw her boss approaching.

"Yeah, I'm just dealing with an incredibly interesting case at the moment!" Zoe replied honestly.

"What is it a rare medical condition?" Tom's voice piped up from the other side of the room.

"No, no it's just the usual injuries of an RTC." Zoe shook her head firmly before glancing in the direction of Jess's cubicle.

"Oh… so what's so interesting about it then?" Sam frowned.

"According to one of the people involved the cause of the RTC was…" Zoe paused for a moment, trying to work out the reaction of Sam and Tom who had walked over to join in the conversation. They both folded their arms and raised their eyebrows in sync as they awaited Zoe to finish. (Sam and Tom had both been doing things in sync for about two weeks every time they were within one metre of each other. Zoe had labelled it as creepy which encouraged the pair to do it even more- though half the time it was because they were so close that they did it anyway). Zoe looked from Sam to Tom for a moment and then glanced behind her once more at Jess's cubicle before turning back and telling them:

"… a bacon sandwich."

The following five minutes consisted of both Tom and Sam nearly wetting themselves laughing, despite the seriousness of the case as it was after all an RTC. Their laughter was as contagious as the major flu bug the ED had to contend with earlier that year, and soon nearly everyone who was in or walked into the same room were laughing. The only person who was keeping a perfectly straight face was Zoe. She glared at Sam and Tom for a moment which only made them worse. Finally, Sam and Tom both gained control of their emotions and wiped away the tears that had streamed down their faces from the excessive laughter.

"Sorry Zoe… we know… how serious it is but… a bacon sandwich?" Tom struggled to speak as he gasped for air after he had laughed all the oxygen out of his lungs. Sam covered her mouth with her hand because she couldn't control the evident smirk that had appeared.

"Yes Tom, yes Sam, a bacon sandwich caused the RTC now would you please get back to work and try to remain professional for the rest of the day, otherwise you will be in my office!" Zoe snapped before walking away and out of the door. Sam and Tom looked to one another.

"What is wrong with us?" Sam smiled.

"I don't know Samantha! We are always so professional in our job!" Tom replied grinning from ear to ear.

"Shame on us!" Sam added.

"Yes, shame on us!" Tom chuckled.

"Come on, let's be serious now." Sam told Tom, and he agreed but he couldn't resist one last comment…

"… I'm hungry now…"


	5. Chapter 5- The obsession with Bacon

Chapter 5: the obsession with Bacon

**Wow! Thanks to all of you for the reviews! Nearly ten in less than two hours of publishing this story! Here is chapter 5! Enjoy!**

The bewildered police officer paced slowly up and down the small room where Jess had been taken to discuss the issue she had encountered. He couldn't understand why when he had received a call from the ED; he had been told the matter was a criminal offence and a very serious one at that. Yes, stealing a bacon sandwich was considered a criminal offence, but nothing serious. The only punishment that could be in store for Crystal when she re-gained her memory was possibly a few hours of community service. Had she have stolen some expensive jewellery, or robbed a bank then the matter would have been serious. As Jess explained everything, the police officer tried his best to be professional, although he did start to wonder if it was actually Jess who was at fault. Not only had she chased after Crystal and broken speed limits, an action such as that could be taken as criminal as it was considered threatening behaviour.

"So could you explain how exactly the RTC was caused?" The PC asked after listening to Jess's story.

"Well… I'm not entirely certain but I believe neither of us caused the RTC…" Jess admitted.

"Why do you believe that?" The PC asked, seeing he was getting somewhere.

"Well, obviously we were both speeding, which I will admit to, but I think another car may have cut Crystal up. I think it moved in front of her and didn't give her chance to break in time which in turn didn't give me chance to break in time… but that's all I know…" Jess told the PC.

"Right, well thank you for your time and honesty. I may need to speak to you again but for now, thank you." The PC nodded as Jess stood and shook her hand. Jess then left the room to go back to her cubicle and Zoe walked in.

"I can't believe I just heard that!" Zoe sighed although had a large smile across her face.

"I know! Who knew a bacon sandwich could cause so much damage?" The PC replied in disbelief.

"What? I was talking about the joke Staff Nurse Fletcher just told me! I swear this bacon case is giving everyone an obsession with bacon!" Zoe shook her head as she responded to the police officer. The PC scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"How is Crystal? Will I be able to speak to her?" The PC changed the subject quickly- even he was getting fed up of bacon and he'd only been in the ED an hour.

"Well, you can talk to her but she won' be able to tell you anything because she has had a concussion!" Zoe explained before adding, "I ought to go and check on her again anyway". The PC opened his mouth to speak but Zoe was gone.

The PC stood in the office for a moment wondering if he needed to stay or if he could leave and report his findings to the sergeant back at the station. Just then, Fletch walked in.

"Bacon Sandwich?" He asked

"…erm… no thanks I haven't long had my lunch break…" The PC replied. Fletch laughed loudly before looking at the PC and saying:

"No! I wasn't _offering _you a bacon sandwich! I know Jess briefly explained things to me, but I still don't get how a piece of sizzling and slightly greasy piece of meat sitting between to slices of bread could possibly cause an RTC!" Fletch folded his arms.

"Oh…" The PC replied. Fletch went to leave but then turned back.

"Want to hear a joke?" He sniggered quietly like he was a naughty school boy.

"Go on then." The PC sighed.

"Why did the rasher of bacon cross the road?" Fletch asked, grinning.

"I don't know." The PC replied.

"Because his friend was streaking!" Fletch finished before bursting out in laughter. The PC just stood emotionless and watched as the nurse struggled to control his laughter. When Fletch noticed he calmed down.

"Well… you can get streaky bacon, so the rasher of bacon saw his friend streaking… and that's why… he crossed… the… road…" Fletch's explanation of his little joke became slower as he realised the PC understood the joke; he just didn't find it at all funny. The PC just shook his head.

"I can't believe I just heard that!" The PC exclaimed before walking out the office and making his way to the ED reception. Fletch stood still. He sighed.

"Well, I thought it was good…" He mumbled to himself.

Meanwhile, Sam and Tom were on their lunch break.

"I'll pay if you like! My treat!" Tom grinned at his girlfriend.

"Are you sure? This is the 4th time this week you have treated me!" Sam smiled.

"I don't mind one bit!" Tom replied and enveloped her in his arms.

"Love you" Sam whispered.

"Love you too!" Tom whispered back and he leant down to Sam for a kiss…

"Eurgh! Why don't you two get a room!?" Shouted a disgusted voice. Sam practically jumped away from Tom. When they both looked across the corridor from the canteen both their mouths dropped open in sync. Sam rubbed her eyes, not sure if she was really seeing what she thought she was seeing and Tom could barely move.

"And close your mouths! You look like a pair of large mouthed fish!" The voice shouted again.

"DYLAN?" Tom and Sam weren't seeing things. Dylan really was back.

"Well done!" Dylan replied sarcastically as he walked over.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked as she stared at her ex-husband. He stared back and when he didn't answer straight away, Tom wondered if the pair were actually engaging in a staring contest.

"Zoe phoned me and told me there was an interesting case that everyone was getting obsessed with and she also stressed that if I didn't come back she might drag me back by the scruff of the neck! To be honest, I could actually imagine her doing that!" Dylan replied.

"I know this isn't really the time to ask you this but are you over me now?" Sam asked. As she finished speaking, the room filled with an awkward atmosphere. Everyone seemed to go silent. Tom fidgeted uncomfortably and Sam continued staring at Dylan who continued to stare back.

"…Yes." Dylan replied. Sam sighed out and smiled. Then Tom had a sudden thought that made his eyes widen and his mouth drop open again. Sam looked to Tom.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Yes it's not that shocking that I don't love Sam anymore is it?" Dylan interjected, gaining a quick glare from Sam.

"Are you and Zoe… you know…" Tom suggested. Dylan frowned.

"Tom you do amaze me!" Then he walked off.

"Is that a…" Tom began

"…a yes!" Sam finished, exclaiming it too because she knew what Dylan was like.

"Oh my god!" They both said together.

"Dylan and Zoe?" Tom asked.

"No way!" Sam grinned.

"Can we spy on them?" Tom asked. Sam laughed at Tom's question.

"Spy? I think we'll get beheaded by the both if we're caught!" Sam replied.

"Cool! Let's do it!" Tom grinned walking off. Sam stayed put.

"Um, Tom?" She hid her smirk.

"Yeah?"

"What happened to lunch?" Sam asked.

"Oh yeah! What do you fancy?" Tom walked back to Sam and they slowly wandered up to the counter.

"You!" Sam whispered.

"I meant to eat!" Tom rolled his eyes, even though he loved being flirted with.

"I fancy… bacon!" Sam frowned.

"So do… I!" Tom frowned too.

"Sam, something isn't right! Everyone is getting obsessed with bacon after the RTC came in!" Tom exclaimed.

"That's just what I was thinking! But why?" Sam felt clueless but also got the feeling something wasn't at all right. They both stayed silent.

"I don't know."

**So why is everyone in the ED suddenly getting obsessed with bacon? Are Dylan and Zoe really together? And what will happen between Jess and Crystal?**


	6. Chapter 6- Tugging Match

Chapter 6: Tugging match

"Bacon?" Dylan asked as he placed his hands on his hips.

"Yes Dylan. Bacon." Zoe replied, getting fed up of the story of the RTC after explaining it five times over. Dylan said nothing. Disbelief was still written all over his face. Suddenly, Charlie burst into Zoe's office.

"Um, ever heard of knocking Charlie?" Zoe asked as she jumped in her seat.

"Sorry Zoe but it's urgent." Charlie exclaimed. He seemed panicked which was incredibly unusual for Charlie.

"What's wrong?" Zoe asked, her brow furrowing with extreme concern.

"I think you should come and see for yourself…" Charlie sighed.

When Zoe, Dylan and Charlie arrived at the staff room, they froze with shock. For a moment they just watched trying to work out what was going on. Tom, Sam, Fletch, Tess, Robyn, Jamie, Dixie and Jeff were all squabbling in the middle of the room.

"Give it to me!" Yelled Tom angrily as he pulled at something they were all holding on to.

"But it's mine!" Fletch screamed back as he tugged hard.

"Let me have it!" Sam tried to take it herself.

"I should have it! Being clinical nurse manager is an extremely hard job you know!" Tess argued.

"But I'm hungry!" Robyn moaned.

"So am I!" Jamie added.

"I've been working doubly hard today! I had a really difficult patient to contend with and I was stuck with Jeff!" Dixie cried out.

"Oi! I'm not that bad! And besides, _I _deserve it because someone rode a horse into a tree this morning and I couldn't have my breakfast that I paid for!" Jeff retorted. They all stopped tugging but their hands remained holding whatever it was they were holding.

"Rode a horse into a tree?" Everyone except Jeff and Dixie asked in unison.

"Yeah." Jeff replied.

"Oh." They replied. Suddenly Tom tried to snatch the object. The massive tugging match began again and they all started screaming ridiculous reasons at each other again.

"_What _is going on!?" Zoe shouted, her patience long gone. The group winced and turned their heads to see the boss standing at the end of the room. They all stayed silent. Seeing she wasn't going to get an answer, Zoe marched forward and somehow managed to rip the object everyone was arguing over from their grasp. Zoe couldn't believe her eyes.

"What is it?" Dylan asked.

"Seriously?" Zoe sighed.

"What?" Dylan asked again.

"You're all arguing over a bacon roll?" Zoe frowned, "That is the most childish thing I have ever seen in the ED. Some of you it's expected that you do childish things but Tess? Sam? Tom? Dixie? Jeff? I really am surprised at you five!" Zoe placed her hands on her hips in a similar way that Dylan did.

"What about me? I'm a grown up!" Fletch raised his voice as he felt left out.

"Yes you are but you don't normally behave your age." Zoe retorted and everyone, including Charlie, sniggered.

"You five in my office now! And Fletch, Robyn and Jamie. If I catch you doing this again you'll be in my office as well!" Zoe threw the bacon roll in the bin and everyone screamed 'NOOOOOOOOO!' before they all sulkily did as originally told…


	7. Chapter 7- Explanations

Chapter 7: Explanations…

The five unfortunate staff to have been called into Zoe's office stood in a line with their hands clasped behind their backs and their heads down. Zoe hadn't said a word since they had all assembled this way in her office ten minutes ago. Dylan was also in the office but standing in the shadows silently where only Zoe could see him. A timid knock at the door was heard and Fletch shuffled in.

"Oh so you did decide to come?" Zoe tapped her foot impatiently.

"Sorry…" Mumbled the band 6 nurse as he joined the line. Zoe cast her eyes at the staff in the small office. They all looked like naughty school children the way they were standing. The way they had behaved _had been_ like naughty school children too. Whilst Zoe was intending to practically scream at them for acting so inappropriately, she also wanted to understand how it had happened in the first place. Dylan was incredibly amused by the situation, hence the reason he was hiding in the shadows because he knew if Zoe saw him smirking, he would instantly regret even the faintest hint of a smile.

"I can't believe the five of you, behaving in such a childish and stupid manner today. This is an emergency department! Not a school playground! If you all want to avoid being suspended, you had better pull your acts together because a hospital with seriously ill people is no place to misbehave so badly!" Zoe shouted as she walked slowly in front of each person. She emphasised the word 'suspended' as she reached Tom which made him cringe remembering it wouldn't be his first time he had been suspended if Zoe made the decision to take such an action.

Dylan turned around as he struggled to contain a laugh. Zoe folded her arms as her eyes drifted to the doctor who hadn't done anything wrong but would be in trouble if he wasn't careful.

"Do you find something amusing doctor Keogh?" Zoe asked, raising her voice. The line of staff turned their heads to look at Dylan. He instantly stopped laughing.

"No, not at all."

"Good because I wouldn't want a 9th member of the ED to be walking around with their tail between their legs." Zoe warned before turning her attention back to the other 5 staff.

"So, would someone like to tell me how this all began?" Zoe asked. The staff stayed silent. Slowly Jeff lifted his head and looked to Dixie. Dixie noticed and she in turn lifted her head to look at Tess. Tess glanced to her side at Fletch who turned his head quickly to Sam. Sam looked up to Tom. Tom looked to his left.

"Oh… there's no one there…" He mumbled as he scratched his head awkwardly.

"Ugh! I might've known!" Zoe groaned.

"Actually Zoe, I was there too. It wasn't just Tom who started this." Sam announced quietly, stepping forward slightly. Zoe sighed.

"Well I'm all ears." She told them. Tom and Sam looked to one another, wondering where would be a good place to begin…

_Earlier, when Tom and Sam had both got their bacon rolls from the canteen, they decided to go to the staff room and have some lunch in peace, as far away as possible from the commotion and Fletch's awful bacon jokes…_

"Hey!" Fletch exclaimed.

"Well, they weren't the best I've ever heard." Sam rolled her eyes and everyone else in the room nodded in agreement. Fletch just folded his arms and pretended to sulk, much to the annoyance of Zoe who tried to ignore the nurse before turning her attention back to Tom and Sam…

_Tom, who had barely had a bite to eat all day, wolfed down his roll within a few minutes. There was something about the bacon that tasted delicious and made Tom want more. His eyes glanced over to Sam's roll which she hadn't touched yet because she had opted to making both herself and Tom a coffee. Tom shuffled closer to the plate where Sam's bacon roll sat. Suddenly, Sam had finished making the coffee and as she turned she gasped._

"_That's mine!"_

"_Oh please Sam, I'm starving!" Tom replied as he grabbed the roll quickly._

"_But I really want bacon!" Sam cried out._

"Oh my god!" Shouted Dylan. Everyone turned around to look at him as the story was interrupted a second time.

"What now?" Zoe asked.

"Sam, your not… pregnant are you?" He asked, wondering if Sam's need for bacon had been some kind of unusual craving. Everyone gawped before staring at Sam. Even Tom was wearing a similar expression.

"Erm… No." Sam replied quickly.

"Are you sure?" Dylan asked as he walked closer to his ex-wife.

"Dylan! I know you've still got a soft spot for me but we're separated! I can do what I like now…" Sam replied, her patience wearing down. Everyone gasped.

"Not that me and Tom _have _done anything before you all start making up really strange fantasies." Sam added hurriedly when she noticed Fletch sniggering. Hurt, Dylan stepped back. He had lied. He was still in love with Sam, and that was now extremely obvious to everyone standing in the office.

"Can we just go back to the story please?" Zoe asked getting fed up. Tom nodded and continued…

"_I paid for it!" Tom snapped._

"_But you said it was for me… like a gift…" Sam replied before she grabbed the bacon roll herself. Tom stood as he tried to snatch the food back himself. The pair stood tugging and pulling as they attempted to win back the sumptuous sandwich. All of a sudden, none other than Fletch burst in the room._

"_Woah! Sam! Tom! Break it up!" He told them as he managed to squeeze between the tense couple. Fletch glanced down at the sandwich but before he could say another word, the gorgeous aroma of bacon entered his nose and he turned like a possessed animal as he tried to get his hands on the bacon roll himself. It was now a three way tugging match. Sam now had two hands on the piece of food because despite working in the army, compared to Tom and Fletch she was on the short side and found their strength combined a bit overpowering. Suddenly, Fletch managed to take…_

"Steal!" Tom interjected.

"Fine!" Fletch sighed before continuing…

…_Fletch managed to __**steal**__ the roll. He dashed to the door of the staff room (which was already open) when he collided with Tess and they both fell to the floor in a split second. Of course, since the roll had landed in Tess's lap, she was now suddenly craving the bacon too. She scrambled to get up but Tom and Sam had got to the door and the tugging match was nearly in the corridor of the ED. This 4 way tug of war continued without much interruption for five minutes when both Jamie and Robyn walked in._

"_There you all are… um… what are you doing?" Jamie asked, horrified._

"_We have to stop them before someone gets hurt!" Robyn cried. The junior nurses both ran toward their four colleagues and tried to separate them. Unfortunately, there was less luck floating around, and Robyn somehow ended up face planting the roll. As she did so, a tiny piece of bacon flew from underneath the bread and landed on Jamie's face. Before anything else happened, both Jamie and Robyn joined the squabble. The staff room had suddenly become a battlefield. Tom had Fletch in headlock, Tess and Sam were pushing at each other and Jamie and Robyn were flapping their hands at each other in an extremely comical and non-harmful fashion. The bacon roll had somehow made its way back onto the plate and was surprisingly unharmed by the fuss._

"So where do you two come in?" Zoe asked the paramedics as she sat forward eagerly in her chair as though she was 5 years old and being told an inspiring bedtime story.

"Just be patient." Jeff tapped the side of his nose.

_Sam and Tom were now pushing at each other, Tess was chasing Fletch around the room as he tried to dodge out the way of random things that Jamie and Robyn were throwing across the room. Suddenly, there was a massive BANG! And the large battle froze as though someone had paused live television. Both Jeff and Dixie stood in the doorway – where they had slammed the door as hard as possible to gain everyone's attention- and stared at the scene in front of them._

"_What in the blazes…" Jeff began but became speechless as he shook his head. Dixie walked over to the bacon roll._

"_Can't let this just sit here and go uneaten!" She chuckled as she picked it up and attempted to take a bite… Jeff ducked as Jamie dived over him to take the roll._

"_Hey you little minx!" Dixie shouted as the other staff picked themselves off the floor and dashed over to try and gain possession of the roll once more. Jeff was now the only person in the room who had not yet smelt or touched the bacon. _

"_Charlie!" He cried out as he noticed the senior nurse walking past. Upon hearing his name Charlie turned around as he tried to work out where the person was who had called his name. Unfortunately, the bacon roll had been thrown over the groups head and was caught by a startled Jeff._

"_Ooh! This smells nice!" He grinned as he opened his mouth ready to taste the bacon that was calling out to him. However, everyone ran at him and jumped on him like they were playing rugby before he had the chance to taste a thing. Charlie opened the staff room door. Horrified at the sight before him, he bolted down the corridor to Zoe's office…_

"And I believe that's got you up to date…" Jeff finished. Zoe nodded slowly. Then she frowned. Everyone winced.

"Can I just ask something?"

"Yes." Tom replied as he was the one to begin the story.

"Why in the world did you tell your story in third person?" Zoe asked. The involved staff looked to one another.

"We're not sure…" The six people stared at the boss as they awaited her reaction to the actual situation. For about five minutes her expression was unreadable as she took in all the information she had just been given. However, unable to prevent herself from doing so, Zoe burst into fits of laughter from the story she had just heard. The other seven people in the room looked to one another nervously.  
One by one, they joined in the laughter. It was strange. None of them could stop. It had to be the weirdest day at the ED in history. Tom starting rolling around on the floor and Sam actually fell on the floor as she gasped for air.

"I'm… laughing… so much… it… hurts!" Fletch cried out between deep gasps of air. Dylan was the only person not affected. He stood, speechless in the corner with his hands on his hips. His brow furrowed more and more until his forehead hurt from the excessive frowning. Then a thought entered his head. Zoe had said the earlier RTC was caused by Bacon…

"What if…" Dylan's voice wondered off as his theory grew and grew until he was positive he had figured out the cause. He just needed some evidence. Without any hesitation whatsoever, he turned and marched out the room leaving nearly all of his colleagues nearly dying from laughter…

**Sorry that this chapter was so bizarre… but it is a comedy and it had to be done! So, is Dylan's theory correct? What actually **_**is **_**Dylan's theory? And will the staff survive the laughing attack? Keep following this story to find out!**


	8. Chapter 8- Interragation

Chapter 8: Interrogation

Dylan stormed through the corridors of the ED with such power everyone dived out of the way as they saw him coming. He looked like a man on an important mission… well… he actually **was **a man on an important mission. He arrived at the cubicles but as he entered, he was horrified when he saw all the staff suffering with the same 'uncontrollable laughing disease' as his colleagues stuck in Zoe's office. The only thing he didn't understand was why he hadn't been infected with this unusual but extremely contagious disease himself.

He shook his head realising he had to avoid distractions. Then he rushed over to the cubicle he believed he was looking for. He ripped back the curtain and was met with a high pitched shriek that could have killed his ear drums for life.

"It's ok. It's ok. Crystal? It is Crystal isn't it?" Dylan asked as he pulled the curtains close once more. The girl on the bed nodded. She was currently representing the picture of pure terror. Her knees were drawn to her chest; her pupils were dilated; she was shaking like a leaf and eyes were as wide as a pair of small saucers.

"Ok… um… I'm Doctor Keogh one of the doctors here…" Dylan began.

"Oh thank god! I've been trying to find someone who is actually sane!" Crystal sighed and let her guard down a little bit. Dylan was still shocked. The sounds of laughter from outside the cubicle were still as strong as when he had walked in.

"What's going on?" Crystal questioned.

"Well, actually that's what I came to find out…" Dylan put his hands on his hips.

"You think _I _did this?" Crystal exclaimed, hurt.

"What? No, no, no! I was hoping you could tell me how they all ended up like this?" Dylan stepped slightly closer to Crystal. Crystal, realising she made a mistake, whispered an apology and relaxed a bit.

"Well… I was sitting here and I needed to go to the ladies, so I stepped outside the cubicle. Two nurses came in. One was a young guy with tanned skin and short dark hair and the other was a ginger haired young lady. They were carrying something but I didn't see what. The next thing I know there was this massive brawl but then it broke down and they all fell about laughing!" Crystal explained.

"And you haven't been affected?" Dylan asked.

"No! I was so terrified I came back in here and hid under the covers." Crystal explained.

"What about the other woman involved in the RTC? The bacon woman?" Dylan asked, finally getting somewhere.

"You mean Jess? I don't know! I haven't seen her in about an hour!" Crystal cried out.

"Ok, thank you." Dylan hurried to leave but he felt Crystal grab his wrist desperately. He turned and looked into her frightened blue eyes.

"Please don't leave me here!" She begged, "They've all gone insane and if I stay any longer I dare say I will too!"

For a moment, Dylan just stared at her. He wasn't sure about what to do. However, he quickly decided that Crystal would get him further; maybe say something that might help further solve the case. Dylan then wondered if he should have trained as a detective rather than a doctor.

"Dr Keogh?" Crystal snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Sorry, um… yes, come on. But don't let them touch you and most definitely do not come into contact with any bacon!" Dylan waggled his finger at her.

"Bacon?" Crystal giggled.

"And don't laugh!" Dylan raised his voice.

"Sorry." Crystal became serious again.


	9. Chapter 9- Mission

Chapter 9: Mission

Nicking an ambulance to get to the destination quicker hadn't exactly been Dylan's plan, but Crystal made the good point it would be quicker than waiting for a bus and that all the paramedics were currently out of their minds like the other staff anyway. So, Dylan sat in the driver's seat with Crystal sitting at his side. Before long, they set off toward the place they hoped would help them clean up the mess.

"Can't you just turn the sirens on?" Crystal groaned as they got stuck behind a tractor.

"They're only for emergencies." Dylan mumbled in response, equally as annoyed at their unfortunate luck.

"Don't you think _thi_s counts as an emergency?" Crystal replied.

"An emergency for the paramedics is when someone has a risk of dying." Dylan remained serious as he continued to keep his eyes on the road- although that was rather difficult because all that could be seen was several bales of hay stacked atop one another. Suddenly, a clump came loose and hit the screen of the ambulance. The pair jumped in their seats.

"Yes well if you ask me, you're colleagues are going to die of laughter if we don't hurry up!" Crystal snapped. Dylan glanced over at the concussed girl for a moment. He sighed.

"Well, you do have a point…" Dylan searched the dashboard for the switch. The moment his eyes caught sight of it, his finger flipped it. The blue flashing lights lit up and the sirens blared out. The tractor in front slowly moved to the verge to allow the ambulance passage. Dylan and Crystal grinned joyfully as they overtook the vehicle and sped on ahead.

When they finally arrived at their destination, they stayed put. All they could do was gawp at the sight before them. Crowds hollered 'We want bacon!' outside Jess's café. They weren't laughing though. They seemed angry- almost zombie like as they shuffled around with their limbs hanging loosely at their sides.

"Good… god!" Was all Dylan could muster. Crystal stared on in shock.

"What are we going to do, doctor Keogh?" She asked nervously and looked over at him.

"I don't know." Came a robotic reply as he continued to watch the unbelievable events unfolding in front of him. Then he turned to Crystal.

"Crystal…" He began.

"Yeah?"

"Just call me Dylan."


End file.
